Cobra (George Pan Cosmatos, 1986)

Cobra is so vile and complete an embodiment of '70s-'80s fascist vigilante romanticism that it could almost be a parody of these ideals, if not for its complete straight face -- excepting macho-cynical one-liners, of course. A gang of psychotic cultists spouting apocalyptic nihilism are taking over the town and it's up to one cop in a vintage sedan to stop them. His superiors don't understand his brand of no-nonsense, get results, shoot the bad guys police work. A material witness who is also a pretty lady needs his protection and he'll stop at nothing to give it to her. One of the bureaucrats always standing in Cobra's way is secretly working with the cult. Hits every cliche plot nail on the head and lacks both the gorgeously scummy look Don Siegel brought to Dirty Harry, as well as that movie's occasional acknowledgement of/ambivalence towards the titular character's gross methods/outlooks. If this were possible to be taken seriously by anyone, this movie would have made me very angry. Instead, it was just annoyingly icky -- like the sheen of sweat from a muggy summer day spent doing nothing much but writing about terrible movies (hint: today).